Yes, A Dinner Suit

Apparently, Les Lawrence looks resplendent in one

Many years ago I bought myself a Dinner Suit; bow tie, cumberband, frilly shirt, the lot. How well I remember the first time I put it on. My mind went back to the days when I was digging up carrots on Methwold Fen. I didn't see many people wearing Dinner Suits down on Methwold Fen; I never did know why.

The reason for this purchase was that we had formed the Methwold Ballroom Dancing Club. We put on a number of Dinner Dances and did our best to encourage men to attend in Dinner Suits and women in Ball gowns. No it wasn't the other way round, just concentrate otherwise you will lose the gist of what I'm on about. Whether it's my Suit that has got smaller as time has gone by or I have got bigger I don't know, but today I can hardly get in the darn thing. But in any case I don't go to Dinner Dances now which is a shame really as I certainly use to enjoy them. The result is my Suit hangs up in the wardrobe and never gets used.

I have been thinking, never mind what with I've heard that one before and I couldn't see much in it then, anyway I think I should put it to some use. At this time of the year I grow some bedding plants and I'm sure you have seen that gardening programme where a certain Doctor somebody gives advice, and every time you see him he is always wearing a bow tie. What I would like to do, if I can find the courage to do so, is to put on my Dinner Suit, yes it would be bursting at the seams, put four or five boxes of bedding plants in a basket then head of to Oxborough. Why Oxborough? I haven't a clue, apart from the fact no one knows me there.

Then I'd bang on people's doors saying, 'My name is Lawrence I'm from Methwold how many boxes would you like?' I just can't see how anyone would refuse to buy; they would just stare in amazement. I may not be the first one to sell bedding plants door to door, but I bet I would be the first to do so in a Dinner Suit. This really does appeal to me. It would confirm something I have known for years, that I am completely mad, and this would be the proof. I can only see one problem in all of this. What happens when there I am standing on someone's doorstep, looking rather resplendent in my Dinner Suit, and the dear lady tells me she will have two boxes and bending down to hand them to her there is this tremendous rip. I am sure I would have to withdraw from the house in reverse order clutching the seat of my pants in the process. I could of course buy a better fitting Dinner Suit but that would cost money which I would only have after I had sold my plants. I'm in a chicken and egg situation; people like me just can't win.

Les Lawrence