Sporting Wit (albeit sometimes unconscious wit)

Some sporting humour for your delight

Billiards is very similar to snooker, except there are only three balls and no one watches it.

Steve Davis

I considered filing a missing persons report on Leighton James In the second half.

Bobby Gould

I made a two fingered gesture towards the fans to show that I had scored twice. It must have been misinterpreted.

Paul Peschisolido

I became a great runner because if you are a kid in Leeds and your name is Sebastian you've got to become a great runner.

Sebastian Coe

I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.

Stuart Pearce

Not only is he ambidextrous but he can through the ball with either hand.

Duffy Daugherty

And now, as the evening ears on, the shadows cast by the floodlights get longer.

David Coleman

We need the players because without the players we wouldn't have a team.

Howard Wilkinson

The spirit at Sheffield United is the worst I have ever known, and the tea isn't much better either.

Dave Bassett

Watching Manchester City is probably the best laxative you can take.

Phil Neal

I don't have any pre-match superstitions but I always have my packet of chocolate buttons.

Peter Beardsley

I got some girl's pants through the post the other day, but I didn't like them; well, they didn't fit, to be honest.

Jamie Redknapp

Patrick Tambay's hopes, which were nil before, are absolutely zero now.

Murray Walker

I have just named the team I would like to represent Wales in the next world cup - Brazil.

Bobby Gould

Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

Dom Marquis

We don't need referees in basketball, but it gives the white guys something to do.

Charles Barkley

The Editor