IT'S THE WAY YOU SAY IT

Les has a gentle prod at the US legal system then bewails his lack of success with women!

Last year, 2004, I became friendly with two Americans who were staying here in Methwold for some three to four months and when they returned home we stayed in touch by letter. Responding to my latest missive Allen, the Husband, tells me the story of a friend of his who attended the local court as a juror. The story goes as follows:

The prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. The witness was a grand motherly sort of woman. He approached her and ask, "Mrs Jones do you know me?"

She responded, "Why yes, I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly you have been a disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people, and talk about them behind their backs. You think you are a big shot when you haven't the brains to realise you will never amount to anything more than a two bit paper pusher. Yes I know you."

The prosecuting attorney was stunned and not knowing what to do next pointed across the courtroom and asked Mrs Jones, "Do you know the defence attorney?"

She replied, "Yes I know Mr Brody and again I have known him since he was a boy. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drink problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his Law Practice is the worst in the State. Not to mention that he cheats on his Wife with three different women, one of them is your Wife."

The prosecuting and defence attorneys nearly died with shock and with that the judge called both of them to the bench and in a quite voice said, "If either of you ask Mrs Jones if she knows me I shall throw both of you in jail for contempt of court!" Boom, Boom.

Moving on rather quickly to something completely different I recently discovered how dependent we are on calculators. Talking to a friend of mine, the one with the dog, the same one that goes to Sheringham on holiday with a wife, not his, someone else's, we tried to work out some mathematical problem in our heads, but we hadn't a clue.

I had purchased some 150 flower plants and some compost which cost £10 and the question was if we used up all of the compost in filling up the 150 flower pots how much would each individual pot have cost? Not only didn't we know the answer we didn't even know how to work it out.

Later that day arriving at the great metropolis, well it's King's Lynn really, and going in to a number of shops I bored some of the shop staff by posing the question to them. And they were like my friend and I, they hadn't got a clue, one or two of them thought it was 75p each.

However on reflection I have to confess I have never been any good at figures even though I spend a lot of time perusing them. But the figures that catch my attention are not found in books but mainly walking down the high street at King's Lynn. What puzzles me is that they all look so much more appealing after I come out of the Globe Hotel than when I go in. Why this is I don't know, there has to be a reason, but I fear I shall never know.

L

Les Lawrence