MR GRUMPY - ACT 10 - SCENE 5

Les trys, mistakenly, to pin Mr Grumpy on the Editor...

I'm not a film director but I think the title could go something like that. But even if it didn't, I'd have to say how much I echo the sentiments of Joan Forster when she tells us that in her view the May edition of the Village Pump was the best ever, and Joan has been an avid reader for some 10 years. Her comments such as those must gladden the heart of our esteemed Editor, who's name escapes me at this moment. But I have to say it's really all down to Mr. Grumpy.

I must say I have taken a liking to the dear man. Mr. Grumpy that is, not our Editor; well I don't know, he has certain charms, so he tells me. No, I rather like Mr. Grumpy's sense of humour when he tells us every time he visits his Solicitor he charges him £130.

It seems to me that there is an almost obsession with finding out who he is, and yet I have a feeling that if I took a trip to Stoke Ferry armed with my Sherlock Holmes detective manual I could find his name and number inside five minutes.

However on reflection I'm not sure if I have got that right as the "evidence" clearly suggests Mr. Grumpy is indeed an unusual man. My definition of anyone going anywhere rather frequently is about twice a week at least, not someone who goes to these places say twice a year.

All of this reminds me of Sir David Frost, who on one of his programmes used to remark," Who lives in a house like this?" Well I could say, "What kind of man are we looking for?" In true Sherlock Holmes fashion we must work on a process of elimination. Who frequently goes to places like the Corner Shop, The Millers Arms, The Blue Bell, and the Post Office? For a start, he's not a member of the Religious Fraternity. They may well go in to the Post Office and the Corner Shop and quite frequently, but the Blue Bell and the Millers Arms as well, now come, come, hardly.

I've thought at one time he could be a Councillor, say a County Councillor. Well he's not Mr. Mick Peake. I know him even if I haven't seen him lately. Could he be one of Mike's fellow Councillors, say Martin Storey, or Adrian Lawrence, well I don't know.

I'm sure one day Martin and Adrian will condescend to pay me a courtesy call, but it wouldn't surprise me if the Pope beat them to it; so much for keeping in touch with your local electorate. A Parish Councillor, no I don't think so, well who on earth is he? They seek him here, they seek him there, they seek him everywhere, the elusive Mr. Grumpy

Suddenly it all makes sense, who is this Mr. Grumpy? Why, none other than our esteemed Editor writing under a Pseudonym, striving desperately to inject material in to the Village Pump. A magazine he is convinced is heading, just like Gooderstone Cricket Club, for the big time. In the meantime I'm off to Bertha's for some fish and chips.

Nice try Les but, NO it isn't me!

Ed

Les Lawrence