A QUESTION OF UPS AND DOWNS

Les debates whether one walks up a road or down a road.

I have to confess to being a fan of Mr Grumpy I agree with much of what he has to say, whether he always gets all of his facts right, well maybe that's open to question.

I must for example take issue with him, he is obviously a newcomer, as opposed to myself an out and out local, for his comments about Wretton Road, Stoke Ferry, when he tells us, you have only to walk "up" Wretton Road. Now this can't be allowed to go unchallenged, nobody has ever walked "up" Wretton Road, you walk "down" Wretton Road, there is a difference, unless of course you have been at the sherry, in which case you are probably not interested. Talk about wanting to change the numbers in Wretton Road let's get our priorities right, we must first of all sort out our "ups" and "downs".

Ever willing to help out a person in their hour of need I am able to assist Mr Grumpy even further, should he find himself in Oxborough Road then of course he will have walked "down" Oxborough Road, however should he find himself in Boughton Road then needless to say he would have walked "up" to the Boughton Road. At this stage he may well find himself in need of a drink, and who can blame him, in which case I can recommend that he walks "up" to the Blue Bell, you just don't walk "down" to the Blue Bell, it's considered by us locals to be not acceptable.

My desire to help out any newcomers to this area isn't just restricted to this question of "ups" and "downs" there is the question of the weather, should you find yourself living in Stoke Ferry, or indeed Oxborough, and I understand some people do live there even if our Editor doesn't! and you look out of your bedroom window no way do you say to the woman you love, or indeed your wife, "It's looking rather stormy over in the direction of Methwold". No the correct comment should be "It's looking rather stormy over Will's Mother's".

Of course if at this moment you are not on speaking terms with your wife, then newcomer or local you have a problem and in those circumstances I would advise you to forget about the weather and completely ignore the woman in your bedroom unless of course she happens to indeed be the delectable Miss Jones in which case I'm sure you will be the first to agree that you can manage quite well with-out any advice from me.

Producing this masterpiece has left me in a somewhat exhausted state as a result I feel the need for refreshment and relaxation and with that in mind I may decide that a stroll "down" to my nearest hostelry is called for even if most of the journey will be mainly "uphill".

If however I don't know the difference between "downhill" and "uphill" before I undertake this journey my chances of resolving this may well have diminished by the time I return.

Methwold

Les Lawrence