The village in Never Never Land

Chapter Two of this exciting fairy story. Jack finds a sympathetic ear in Ginel Peregrin but is still unable to ivercome the Apparitions.

Jack finds a sympathetic ear in Ginel

This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

A modern Fairy tale - an everyday story of country folk

The village in Never Never Land

Judging from the number of responses received, the first chapter certainly struck a chord with many readers. A big thank you to all those who made contact.

We learned previously that the villagers of Ritten suffered mightily from "The Stench". They begged for help from the Numpties of the Apparition (A /Parish/ion) Council, whose duty it was to care for their interests, but no support was forthcoming, as they claimed to be too busy to be bothered with the problems of the (as they so quaintly put it) miserable working classes.

As you also know, into this arena strode Handsome Jack, with his burnished shield and mighty blade - which became as feared by the Numpties, as it has been an object of admiration by many a grateful maiden.

Jack quickly realised that the Numpties were essentially just a collection of self-important men who had elected themselves to office and then met at society's expense to praise each other.

These Numpties, mused Jack, are like nappies, they should be disposed of frequently and for the same reason.

Our hero also concluded that their regular public meetings were merely a cover for a sect of Feline Fanatics. The object of the Numpty's worship could be seen everywhere - appalling concrete tigers on gateposts, ludicrous Company logos and sickeningly-naff photos on Web pages. Whether they also met in secret elsewhere, to stroke each others pussies, Jack could not discover, but "Pussygate" had been exposed

As individuals, the Numpties were remarkable only for their unremarkableness and numbered amongst their members a would-be Druid with a fondness for dressing-up who apparently came from Mumbles - and others, who came to be known as The Pompous Poltroon, The Obnoxious Oaf, The Pygmy and the Munchkin.

There was however one member - Ginel Peregrin - who truly had the villagers interests at heart. A man of sound judgement and abundant, down-to-earth common-sense, with a greater depth of local knowledge and history than the rest of the Numpties combined. Sadly his views in office were totally ignored and he resigned in disgust like others before him.

Jack regularly attended the covens at which the Numpties could be found cackling and gurning around their cauldron and made it clear that, even if direct action was not to be given, then the least they could do was to demonstrate some SUPPORT for the villagers plight. The Numpties even declined to help in that way. "We can't" they bleated. "We can't", they whined in nausea-inducing chorus.

He soon came to the conclusion that the gathering consisted of individuals who were personally incapable of doing anything positive, but gathered together to decide that nothing could be done. Most of their pathetic efforts involved passing each others planning proposals, all the while denying other villagers equal opportunity. Minutes were kept, but hours were wasted!

The annual taxes imposed on the villagers of Ritten by the Numpties were several times greater than those of neighbouring villages and a surplus fund of 13,000 Shekels had been accrued and stashed away over the years, by the Numpties. This sum was equal to more than 1600 years contributions by a single Ritten villager - and over 5000 years contribution by a resident in an adjoining-village!

Now, as in every other field of human knowledge, Jack knew that experts exist who are trained to deal with - and find solutions to - problems caused by Dragons, Pypes and Stenches. So he asked the Numpties whether they would, in their infinite wisdom, discuss whether a minute portion of the cash which had been salted away, might potentially be set aside to obtain professional guidance and thus demonstrate that they truly had the villager's interests at heart.

His polite request was met only with mocking laughter. "No", they said sneeringly "once the money is in our grasping hands, what makes you or anyone else, think that it might be used to improve the lot of the villagers"? Those Shekels were to be used exclusively as they decided and they would never consider allowing such a waste of THEIR money.

"Then" quoth Handsome Jack "if you are not prepared to consider devoting even a small fraction of this fund to the improvement of the villager's lot, what exactly was the purpose of the money in the first place"? Predictably there was no rational response, merely blustering prevarication accompanied by shifty sidelong glances between the Numpties.

Next time

* What ~ the money actually to be used for? How much of it was really devoted to useful works - and what proportion was claimed in "expenses" by the Numpties?

* How much more self-satisfied cant would spew forth from the mouths of those dreadful creatures before they were dragged kicking and screaming into the real world?

* Chapter three will also outline how Handsome Jack devoted a great deal of his own time, effort and money to confront the Dragon and how he eventually shamed both the Numpties and Gliania Fluid (the dragon's masters) into taking steps to atone for their previous inadequacies.

* Who was the Jozef Goebbels look-alike, who turned up at a meeting purporting to be the Numpty's direct supervisor, but contributed nothing, blethering only in a highpitched voice about (totally irrelevant) goings-on in another village 20 miles distant?

The Dream Maker