YES THE HEARING AID

Les regales us with the tale of his new hearing aids

I don't expect many of you will show any concern; why should you after all you have your own problems. But if anyone is interested I have to say at this moment I'm not feeling very well. It all came to pass when, maybe in a moment of weakness, I paid out some £2,400 for a couple of hearing aids, one for each ear so I'm told. All of this has caused me grave concern; no wonder my health is suffering.

First of all why did I need a hearing aid? After all, I can hear what I am saying, that's not a problem. It appears my problem is that I can't hear what other people are saying; well I thought that was an asset not a liability. I can now switch on my TV and the rubbish is now, well more audible than ever. The gossip about her up the road carrying on with, well I don't know who, my God look what I've been missing, and all of this at a cost of just £2,400, how lucky can I get.

However it doesn't end there as there is a more sinister side to all of this. As most readers will willingly concur, by the way that word means "to agree" I always like to use a "posh" word where possible as this gives some people the impression that I'm well education. I may be as thick as two short planks but I don't see why I should go around telling everyone, sorry I think I have digressed.

What I was coming round to is that I now think I need more insurance cover such as cover against kidnapping. Previously, when I considered how valuable I was, well I had to concede I was valueless. Who on earth would want to kidnap me? A ransom note sent to my dear wife may well have got the response, "well you can keep him he's not worth anything". Now all is different. I'm now a valuable commodity. I'm worth something, well £2,400 to be exact and even in today's world that's real money. The days when I can go about my business in a relaxed state, those days are now gone. If some charming young lady, and there are some about, well certainly in Stoke Ferry, and also so I hear in Boughton, but then you can't always believe what you hear. Anyway if this charming young lady invites me down her garden path what fiendish trick has she got up her sleeve? Who knows I could be walking in to an ambush.

I never thought the day would come having spend years as an absolute no-body now I'm a somebody, as I have said a valuable commodity, all £2,400 of me.

If only my primary school teacher, Miss Pegg, her with the funny teeth, but with those lovely legs, yes I can see them now, yes both of them, please a glass of water. If only she was still around, how proud she would be of me, and quite rightly so.

Methwold

Les Lawrence