What does the Doctor think for May

May 2015 PAYING FOR THE DARTFORD CROSSING (The Dart Charge) If, like us, you only cross the Thames at Dartford once or twice a year, you might be unaware that, since November 2014, it has been impossible to pay at the time of crossing. The toll booths are being demolished. The original intention was that the crossing would become toll free on 1st April, 2003. However, as about 160,000 vehicles use the crossing every day, successive governments have been unable to give up their cash cow and the current charge for a car stands at £2.50 each way. SO, HOW DO WE HAVE TO PAY? The free-flow automatic electronic charging system introduced last November depends upon automatic number plate recognition. The toll can be paid online (Pay the Dartford Crossing Charge – a Gov.UK website), by text message or by telephone (0300 300 0120)in advance or, at the latest, by midnight on the day after you have crossed. Failure to pay will result in a penalty charge notice to the tune of £35 - £105 depending upon how quickly the fine is paid. The crossing is free of charge between 10pm and 6am I wonder what happens to drivers from the continent who arrive in Dover or Ramsgate and then travel on the M25 and may well know nothing at all about this new system. As there are no facilities to pay at the crossing, very many must incur penalty notice – or do they? Further research showed that, last December, 19,000 foreign drivers failed to pay, causing the UK highway bosses to call in a European debt recovery agency. The RAC has considered the matter and believes “it will be interesting to see what success rates the debt recovery agencies will have in chasing hauliers and motorists once they have left these shores”. The real irony is that the Government is paying a French motorway company to run this service!

Recently, there has been pressure upon GPs to look for dementia in patients and there are tests which can be performed. Here is a test which is not recommended but I like it. There is a bath full of water and the patient is given a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket and told to empty the bath. If they use the bucket because it is bigger than the others, they still fail because any normal person would pull out the plug.

What do these seven words have in common? (Answer in small print at the bottom of the page) BANANA, DRESSER, GRAMMAR, POTATO, REVIVE, UNEVEN, ASSESS.

A bitter divorce: On the first day after his divorce, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things. On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimps, a jar of caviar, a bottle of spring-water, and three cans of sardines. When he'd finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar, and some sardines into the hollow centre of the curtain rods. He then cleaned up the kitchen and left. On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend and, at first, all was bliss. Then, slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days and, eventually, they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!...People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house...The maid resigned. Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house. Word got out, and eventually even the local estate agents refused to return their calls. Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. Then, the ex called the woman and asked how things were going. She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his divorce settlement in exchange for having the house. Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was, she agreed on a price that was only 10% of what the house had been worth, but only if he would sign the papers that day. He agreed and, within two hours, her lawyers delivered the completed paperwork. A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home and to spite the ex-husband ,they even took the curtain rods light fittings, the carpets and the curtain rods!! A few one liners: I haven't talked to my wife for three weeks – I didn't want to interrupt her You can never lose a homing pigeon – if your homing pigeon doesn't come back, all you have lost is a pigeon. I hate Russian dolls, they are so full of themselves. Take the first letter, put it at the end of the word and then spell the word backwards – it will be the same word. Best wishes to you all Ian Nisbet