What Does The Doctor Think - August

Do doctors make the best patients?

The magazine deadline for this article finds me lying in a hospital bed at 3 amlistening to an elderly gent in the opposite bed shouting non stop for "beer". He spends all day comatosed, steam pouring out of his nebuliser, being fed from time to time with a teaspoon, at night, he comes to life, "I am starving" repeated over and over again. Poor fellow - poor us I will probably arrange a keg for this evening.

"So", I hear you shout "how did the doctor come to be in this situation?" Well, it should have all be simple. I needed a hip replacement for arthritis and slipped quietly away from work and other commitments for four to six weeks to sort it out. At the beginning of June, the surgery went well. I had it under spinal anaesthesia as I used to help fit new hips during my time as an orthopaedic houseman in the London Hospital in the 1960's; I was interested to see what had changed in the sawing and grinding department over 50 years. The answer was "not much". However while I was discussing garden moles with the anaesthetist, the world came to life! It sounded as though someone had brought several tubular steel bells into the operating theatre was thinking them with a 7 lb sledge hammer while I shot up and down on the bed. Substitute "artificial hip" for tubular bells and you have the picture! I returned home two days later on crutches to discover that Management or Head Office, as Deannie is known, had morphed in to "Matron" and she has been a truly wonderful nurse and provider. Convalescence was going well for 12 days until the hip suddenly dislocated, causing exquisite pain, terrifying my daughter and requiring a most uncomfortable journey downstairs in a carry chair followed by a very uncomfortable ambulance journey. The joint was reset under general anaesthetic and, a couple of days later I returned home and all went well for 10 days until " wallop" it dislocated again at midnight, another uncomfortable journey ensued and it was discovered that the joint was indeed dislocated and it was put back under general anaesthetic. However, on this occasion, the joint was really loose and unsatisfactory and it will have to be replaced. So, here I am, back at the beginning, In hospital and not allowed out of bed until the revision surgery. It is a good job I don't swear or the air could be blue.

So, even more plans are put on hold and a return to work still looks like a distant dream. The kids have all mucked in wonderfully and Alyson's employers think she has secret'y moved over to Norfolk. Hopefully, a new hip wills be a success and we shall get back to normal with Management allowing me to believe I am Ian charge.

Sorry,no access to jokes at present - maybe next time. Best wishes to you all.

Ian Nisbet