What does the doctor think this month? November

Just a quick update on the hip situation: Having had my artificial hip removed 12 weeks ago, I have hopped on one leg and a Zimmer frame and have spent 10 weeks preparing and injecting intravenous antibiotics. As I write this, I am waiting to be admitted for removal of the gruesome concrete pillar after which yet another artificial hip will be inserted. The recent weeks have been made much more bearable by the GoGo electric scooter loaned to me by Giselle Sagar and her husband, Will. I can zoom around the house and garden and can even help with some of the chores. One fine day, I ventured out into the village and found lots of old patients and friends to chat with. Apart from crossing the roads and sharing my space with motor vehicles, the only unnerving feature of the journey involved crossing in front of the entrances to house driveways. To create the ramp for the cars, the tarmac has been sloped from the road up to the driveway. Fair enough, not worth a second thought until you hit one of these things sideways as you shoot along the pavement. Suddenly, everything veers to one side and you feel sure the buggy will fall over, tipping the driver into the road. I wondered how to determine the “tipping point” without courting disaster but I failed. However, I have spoken to seasoned buggy drivers who remember their initial alarm in this situation but reassure me that it would be difficult to fall over. However, the A1Mobility advice sheet is not so reassuring: When going up or down a kerb on a scooter, make sure to approach it at a right angle. Going up or down a high kerb at an acute or obtuse angle, one side of the scooter on the road and the other side on the pavement, is a sure-fire way to tip the machine over. If you go at right angles to the kerb, and use dropped kerbs only, every time, you will ride that scooter safely and with confidence. When going up or down a steep gradient, the same logic applies. Do not approach it at an acute angle, but straight on at a right angle.

A 90-year-old man was caught doing 8mph in his mobility scooter on the inside lane of the M1 His life was in serious danger - particularly on the three occasions he pulled into the middle lane to overtake slower drivers.

A young hotshot lawyer went out and bought the fastest car in the world, the new SSC Ultimate Aero, for a cool $750,000. It was a nice day outside, so he took the car for it’s first drive on the street. As he stopped at a red light, an old man on a mobility scooter pulled up next to him. The man on the scooter, who had to be at least 70 years old, leaned over at the driver’s side window and asked “Nice car there Sonny, what is it?”“Why, this is the Ultimate Aero, the fastest car in the world. It has 1183 horsepower and can go 257 miles per hour!” exclaimed the cocky attorney. “And” he continued, “it cost 3/4 of a million dollars!”“Wow,” replied the old man, “mind if I take a look inside?” he asked. “Of course not,” the lawyer said proudly. So the old man poked his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back down on his mobility scooter, says, “That’s a pretty fancy sports car, all right… but I’ll stick with my scooter!”Just then, the light changes and the lawyer decided to show the old man with his car was all about. The car went from 0-60mph in just 2.7 seconds and, before he realized it he was doing 220mph. Looking back, he noticed a small dot in his rear view mirror. It seemed to be getting closer! He slowed down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossh! Something whipped by him, going much faster! “What in the world could be possibly be going faster than my Aero?” the young lawyer asked himself. Then, ahead of him, he saw a dot again… this time coming toward him. Whooooooossh! It flew by again, heading the opposite direction! And, it almost looked like the old man on the mobility scooter! “Couldn’t be,” thought the lawyer. Again, he saw a dot in his rear view mirror, but before he could react… Whooosh Ka-BbblaaaaMMM! It ploughed into the back of his car, completely demolishing the rear end. The young lawyer jumped out and, to his surprise, it was the old man on the mobility scooter! He ran up to the mangled old man and said, “Are you ok? Is there anything I can do for you?” The old man groaned and moaned, finally he replied… “Yes, please unhook my braces from your side-view mirror!” Best wishes to you all Ian Nisbet