WHAT DOES THE DOCTOR THINK THIS MONTH? December

INFORMAL DENTISTS: When we moved to Worcestershire it was necessary to find a new dentist. Management and I joined a practice in nearby Halesowen on the basis that the practice is opposite the house of our son, Grant , whose wife, Juliann, used to go to school with the dentist's wife. Thus, we entered the world of Indian dentistry. The practice is one of the Bhandal group of dental practices and all are open to new NHS patients. Between the practices, they cover all the aspects of dentistry with different specialists in different practices. We signed up with the dentist, known to all as “PJ”. We saw him a couple of times before he moved on to open his own independent practice. His care was friendly and impeccable but I never did discover his name! We met his replacement last week. He is a really friendly chap called Arsalas; I did not dare to ask what his nickname was! He was thorough and open and suggested that Management needed to see a specialist dentist. We should telephone a number and ask to see “Dips”. When I asked if he would be writing a referral letter, he sort of laughed and said that this was not necessary and Dips would sort it out. His secretary gave us the telephone number of Dips; it turned out to be another Bhandal practice and the specialist is called Hardeep Bratch, known to all as “Dips”. We made the appointment and rocked up to the practice which is in Rowley Regis (sounds posh, but is not) and, on the way from the car park to the practice, I clocked “Wendy's Salt and Pepper Pots” cafe, about which, more later. Google 'Wendy Rowley Regis' We were made most welcome by “Hi, I'm Hardeep” and a very successful consultation ensued. He turned out to have trained with Arsalas and to be one of his best friends. And, no, he would not tell me Arsalas's nickname. In the old days, we entered the dentist's, said “Hello” and the next opportunity to speak was to say “Goodbye”. It is refreshing to meet dentists who discuss matters, show us the Xrays and involve us in the formulation of a treatment plan. We left the dentist and went straight to Wendy's. It is a small restaurant built into an old brick industrial building (lots of those around here) run by Wendy and her two daughters. The first thing you see is the home-made dessert display which I remember vividly - Apple crumble, Bread and butter pudding, Coconut and jam sponge, Jam roly poly, Chocolate and pear sponge bake, all with custard or ice cream. Well and truly hooked, we decided to eat lunch. Well, it was 11.30am. I had a massive steak and kidney pudding and Head office had a fish pie, both so filling that we had no room for pudding.We shall go back next week and work backwards, starting with dessert. We have booked for a Christmas dinner on December 2nd, leaving plenty of time for another before Christmas. Retirement is not at all bad. We have spent time visiting local hospitals and treatment facilities and I am pleased to say that the waiting times have been minimal and the results have been good. We were sitting in the Ophthalmology waiting area in Kidderminster when I spotted the following notice: WHILE YOU WAIT: HAVE YOU STOOD UP OR REPOSITIONED YOURSELF RECENTLY? Siting for too long without moving can lead to damage to the pressure points on your skin (eg your bottom, heels and elbows). IT IS RECOMMENDED THAT YOU RELIEVE PRESSURE AT LEAST 2 HOURLY (eg. Standing up, repositioning in the chair, lean forward for a while) IF YOU WISH TO DO THIS BUT REQUIRE HELP WITH YOUR MOBILITY, PLEASE GET THE ATTENTION OF THE NURSING STAFF WHO WILL BE ABLE TO ASSIST YOU. My mind wandered. How many people have to wait so long to see the ophthalmologist that they need to change position every 2 hours? Jokes about Blondes, Essex girls and the Irish are not allowed so here are some about men. They should only alienate about 50% of the population. A police patrol car was hidden over a bridge and round a bend in the road. The policeman's radar gun trapped a lady, travelling 5mph above the speed limit. Smirking, he started to write out the ticket and asked her what she did for a living. “Oh, I'm a rectum stretcher” she replied. He pushed her for details and was told that she worked in a rectal clinic and would insert two fingers into the rectum, gradually increasing the number of fingers until she could get both hand and her arms into the rectum. Then, she would stretch the opening until it was 6ft wide. The policeman was rather coarse and, visibly pale, he asked “What do you do with a 6ft a*s*h*l*? “Oh” she replied, you give him a radar gun and hide him around a bend over a bridge” A man's wife was sitting looking in the mirror when her husband asked what she would like for her birthday. “I 'd like to be 8 again”. He took her to the zoo, lunch at McDonalds, and, later on, he gave her a party with a cake with candles, balloons, jelly and blancmange and invited some of her friends. In the evening he asked her how she had enjoyed being 8 again. “I meant size 8, you idiot” she replied. A husband came down to breakfast, bare chested and covered in oil. “You say I never glisten” he said. “I said – You never listen – you idiot” Deannie joins me in wishing you all a very happy Christmas and a healthy New Year Ian Nisbet